40 by 40: 40 Goals by 40 Years Old

So I am still trying to figure out what I want to do with this little blog of mine. Initially, I was thinking it would be for me to reflect on my teaching practices, but it hasn't really gone that way! So here I am trying to figure out where I want to go with it and what I want it to be! In the meantime, I thought I would have fun!

I read on another blog...for the life of me I cannot remember which one, that a woman was doing 40 goals by 40 years old. Keep in mind she was beginning this at the age of 35. So I'm going to try it, with the knowledge that many of these will not get accomplished this year. However, I am going to try my darndest to get as many knocked off as possible. So without further ado, here they are!

1. Binge watch a new tv show (this will be fun but not sure where the time will come from or if my tiny dictator will allow this during the day. I'm also looking for suggestions of what to watch! I don't like violence or blood. The last show I binge-watched was Gilmore Girls!)

2. Finish my Google Certification (this was something I started and abandoned when I began my new job. Need to get my arse in gear and get this puppy done!)

3. Run a 5K and not die (I don't think this really needs any explanation. I'm working on losing weight, but despise running, unless I'm being chased by a bear than I would want to run...FAST!) I'm not sure why this is a goal. Actually, I do...my mother in law did one and I'm competitive, so I want to do one and bet her time. Hence goal number 4!

4. Run a 5K under 45 minutes and eventually a half hour (see above as to what motivates me on this!) and of course without dying!

5. Get to first goal weight

6. Create crafts with my Cricut (This is just fun, but don't always have enough time. And I'm afraid whatever I create will suck. I know it's an irrational fear because who is going to see it, but it's a fear nonetheless!)

7. Go to a drive-in movie with Kevin and Gracie. This is something I have never done! I feel as if I'm missing out!

8. Handwrite a letter to at least 5 friends. I feel like this is a lost art, and I hate my handwriting! I will never forget getting a C in Handwriting in 6th grade. So upsetting and made me not want to write. However, nothing beats the feeling of getting a handwritten letter from someone you care about! Need to do this more!

9.  Pay off debt (we are working on this, but want to get better!)

10. Make a recipe or two from Pinterest. I have a gift of pinning a bunch of stuff and not doing anything with it!

11. An impromptu family road trip I'm not sure where I want to go but looking forward to this one!

12. Play miniature golf This is something I used to do a ton of when I was in high school. Now there aren't a ton of places around. I think Gracie would really enjoy this and so would I!

13. Go fruit picking I remember my mom taking me fruit picking when I was a kid. I think I complained about the heat. I feel a burning desire to pass this tradition on to Gracie!

14. Write a book I have started so many opening chapters. Not sure what it will be about. I know I want to be geared towards middle grades, but trying to figure out if I focus on adoption or drug issues or just a cute girl growing up in Indiana! We'll see where my writing brain takes me!

15. Start a scholarship in Kevin's name This is something I'm really passionate about. My ideas that I have thrown around would be that I don't want it to go the straight A student, but rather someone who has overcome some type of obstacle in his/her life. Or someone who wants to major in addiction therapy. I don't think it's difficult to set this up, I just need to do it!

16.  Go camping (This one is debatable as I don't like "roughing it". But it's important to Kevin so I might just have to take one for the team. Go team...!)

17. Grow flowers with Gracie This will be fun as she is really starting to explore the world and understand how things grow. Hoping my green thumb will develop. I'm not known for keeping things alive outside of my child. I'm good at keeping her alive...well not good but she's still alive! That counts, right?!

18. Go to a county fair We used to do this all the time as kids with my family. We would go to the Lake County, Indiana fair and county fairs in Michigan. I think Gracie would enjoy this! Piggie races here we come!

19. Read a biography I just need to read more outside of my comfort zone.

20. Read/listen to at least one book a month. I want to try to alternate middle-grade books and books for me. I need to read more.

21. Take turns with Kevin planning one date per month. After having Gracie, we tend to forget about ourselves as a couple.

22. Take any type of class I've never said this out loud and I guess I'm still not here, but I really want to learn how to ride a motorcycle. Kevin and I want to take that class! We'll see what this evolves into!

23. Make a fairy garden with Gracie This is apparently a thing and a thing I don't know anything about.

24. Family train ride Gracie hasn't been on a train yet! She's been on plenty of airplanes.

25. Visit the botanical gardens This has always been on my list and never happened.

26. Forgive wrongs I'm guilty of holding on to grudges and in the great words of Elsa I need to let it go!

27. Put my feet in an ocean

28. Get a tattoo (sorry mom!) I have it all picked out and will go on my wrist so I can hide it!

29. Go to a concert I LOVE live music!

30. Set up a Disney savings account and save for a really expensive trip!

31. Go to a casino (with a budget) Kevin and I gambled for the first time together when we were at the Atlantis in the Bahamas. This was surprisingly fun.

32. Watch more TED talks! These are always inspiring and need to get back to watching them!

33. Visit a new to me state!

34. Go hiking

35. Start a new family tradition

36. Try a new fitness class

37. Participate in a "for me" book club.

38 Participate in a professional book club for teaching. This one I'm working on and actually have our last meeting today. This is always fun for me! I love learning from my colleagues. It pushes me to become a better educator.

39. Still coming up with an idea!

40. To enjoy life This is always a work in progress as I sometimes find myself getting bogged down with what is not going right in my life! I need to take a step back and enjoy the chaos!

This is a super long post! But hopefully, you made it to the end! I always appreciate the feedback! Thank you for reading Friends!

Here is me rocking 39 and Gracie girl rocking 3 and a half lol

The Sounds of Silence

I posted my blog in several Facebook groups that I am a part of, and an important question was brought up that frankly stumped me. The question was how do we keep an open dialogue going about addiction so that this doesn't continue to happen to friends and loved ones? The key word in that question is dialogue. The website dictionary.com has many definitions about what the word dialogue means. The one that stood out to me was, "An exchange of ideas or opinions on a particular issue, especially a political or religious issue, with a view to reaching an amicable agreement or settlement." I agree with the definition, but I would also add that a dialogue involves actively listening to the other person to truly hear what he/she has to say versus listening/waiting for them to be done so they can respond. I am finding that the older I get (I am sounding like my mom and dad...not a bad thing!) the less people truly listen to understand. They listen so they can jump in with their opinion/viewpoint that they believe to be the truth. I was perusing Facebook and saw this fabulous cover of Simon and Garfunkel's hit song "The Sound of Silence". Give the video a quick watch, you won't regret it! 

The line that I keep hearing over and over again was the one that goes "People hearing without listening" That simple line speaks volumes to me with the stigma of addiction as well as just where our society is as a whole right now. For the record, this is solely my opinion as I continue to reflect on the stigma of addiction and how we can begin to change it. So many people watched the video of the teacher doing cocaine during her plan period, but were they really listening and watching? Sometimes we have to listen to what is not being said. Did you notice her hands shaking? Did you hear her silent cry for help? That was a human being in need of compassion and kindness. I am not advocating, nor have I ever advocated for enabling an addict or giving them a get out of jail free card. What I am advocating for is listening to their story. Why did they begin their battle with addiction?  How did they score their first high?  Are they in pain? What is their story? What are they not saying? Listen and look for the answers. Listen without responding.  This isn't going to solve all of our country's problems with addiction, but I believe wholeheartedly that it is a step in the right direction.  And to the person who asked me the question about how do we keep this dialogue going, thank you! Thank you for stretching me out of my comfort zone and making me examine my own thoughts that I was not even aware of.  It is through having difficult conversations and truly listening that we will slowly be able to uncover some of the answers and come up with more difficult questions.  I don't believe we get magical answers from having difficult conversations but rather better questions. I firmly believe that we can begin to solve this epidemic together by asking questions, truly listening, and asking better questions. Thank you for reading! Your feedback is very important to me, so feel free to leave any feedback you have. Just remember to be respectful!

  

Putting a Face and Name to Addiction

Last year I made postcards honoring my brother Kevin and encouraging people to perform random acts of kindness and share Kevin's story. This year I struggled with taking this project on again. I'm really not sure exactly what I hoped to accomplish last year. I guess I was hoping for the hashtag to be used or some sign that people were reading the cards and moved by the message.  I didn't receive a lot of feedback on the cards. I handed a lot out but wasn't sure if the message was being read or received.  Then I learned about a teacher from my old high school. She was videotaped allegedly snorting cocaine during her plan period. People were openly mocking her on social media. I asked myself where were the compassion and empathy? This woman has a problem, more specifically a disease and people are mocking her! I was outraged. This is the very reason why I need to share Kevin's story and will continue to share his story.  Sharing Kevin's story and showing that he was a loving human being who deserves empathy and compassion have become my life-long work. I tie this to my other purpose which is that I want people to know or learn that addiction is a disease. Addicts are not born with needles in their arms. They once had dreams, wishes, and plans for a successful future. Who grows up with the dream that they want to become a drug addict? These are misconceptions that we thrust upon them and they are hard to beat. We need to be compassionate human beings and treat addiction in a humane way.  Of course, I wish wholeheartedly that Kevin was here telling his story about how he had overcome this awful disease. But the hard truth is that he is not. So I will do it for him.

The Kijanowski family is going on five years without our beloved Kevin, or Kev as we fondly called him. For those who don't know we lost my brother, Kevin John Kijanowski on January 4, 2013, to what we believe was a heroin overdose. Sometimes it feels as if I had lost my brother a decade ago and other times it feels like yesterday. I remember the guttural scream I let out when my dad told me he was gone. I remember going completely numb and wondering what should I do next? Who should I call? What do I do? How do I live when someone I love was taken away suddenly? I literally do not remember the year of 2013 as I learned to deal with a new normal of life without Kevin. A life that I never asked for and neither did my family.

This is Kevin. He was my brother and was loved by so many people. He was funny, kind, and compassionate. He had a disease that he did not ask for. Much like someone who has any other disease. The person he became after the addiction took hold, was an alter ego. He was a shell of who he once was. He just wanted to be normal, loved and accepted. Once addiction took over, this was something many people did not afford to Kevin. They wrote him off as a helpless cause with no chance of redeeming himself.

I write this blog because we, as a society, can prevent more deaths from this awful disease. We can change the stigma of addiction as well. Someone who is addicted to drugs is not a criminal. They are a human being. They are someone's son, brother, nephew, friend, dad, neighbor. They live next door to us. They shake our hand at church. They wave to you as you drive by in your car. We must show compassion and understanding to those afflicted with this disease so that we can eliminate this disease. It is a PREVENTABLE disease! I challenge you to break the stereotypes attached to addiction. I implore you to stop for a moment when you hear a story of an overdose or someone simply doing drugs and think of them as a human being with a family that loves them.  They are someone's world. Not someone to be laughed at, ridiculed, or shamed.  Choose empathy and kindness rather than placing judgment.   Addiction is a disease, not a choice.

What I hope to accomplish:
* I want people to recognize that addiction is a disease just as much as heart disease or cancer. No one asks for it.
* I want others to take a minute to realize how much of a problem addiction is and the old mindset of "This can't happen to me," is simply not true anymore. This has affected everyone. We are just unwilling to talk about it.
* I want others to be able to talk openly about their problems with addiction or their loved one's battle without fear and shame.
* I want others to learn from my mistake of blaming the addict. For years, and I mean YEARS, I blamed my brother for choosing drugs over everything including his family. It has taken me a long time to realize that was not a choice he made. It was a choice that the disease of addiction made. I had so much misplaced anger that wasn't helping anyone. I don't want this for anyone else.
* I want family members of those who suffer from addiction to not hide in shame and disgrace. You are not alone.

I will not hide my brother's struggle with drugs under embarrassment and disgrace. Hello, my name is Mary, and it has become my life's mission to change the stigma of addiction. I am the sister of an addict, and I will not rest until you have learned of this disease. Join me in changing the stigma of addiction.

With that being said, here is the card. If you would like one or a few to help share Kevin's story, send me an e-mail with your address and how many cards you would like to mary.klepper79@gmail.com

Ch ch ch changes!

I have decided to change the name of my blog and begin to blog about my new role. Last school year I was asked to be an instructional coach at an elementary school. I was excited but nervous to get back to my elementary roots. So much had changed in education since I was at the elementary level. I welcomed the opportunity with open arms and I learned a ton during that adventure. I learned a tremendous amount professionally as well as a lot about me as a person. I learned a lot about what strong leadership is and is not. I learned what kind of leader I work best with rather than under.  I learned how to have high expectations for students and they will rise to those expectations.   It was also during that school year that I realized I had evolved into a middle school teacher and working with striving readers is really my passion and my wheelhouse.  I missed the middle school environment.  I needed to get back!  Also, the hour-plus commute each way was beginning to take a toll on me. I started looking closer to my house for reading specialist positions and truly found my dream position. I have always been fortunate to work with passionate teachers who truly want to do right by children, and I have definitely found that in my new position. 

I am starting to dabble with some new strategies in my intervention classes that I can't wait to share. I saw Penny Kittle, author of Book Love, present at the Secondary Reading League Conference. I have always been an admirer of Penny's work and she has been a huge influence on my philosophical beliefs of children as readers. It would be a huge understatement for me to say that seeing her present was AMAZING!  Her enthusiasm for reaching all readers was contagious and helped reinvigorate me on that cold Friday morning. I will be sharing her ideas that I am beginning to implement into my Exploring Reading classes. I can't wait, and the students are equally excited!

Thank you so much for reading and I am looking forward to sharing this journey with you!

Peace and love,

Mary

Sharing Kevin

If you have read my blog for any length of time or have known me for a while, you are well aware of what happened to my brother. Just in case someone is new to this blog or to me, Kevin passed away from a heroin overdose on January 4th, 2013. It was that day that our lives changed forever.

A person is not born with a needle in their arm, Kevin obviously did not start out an addict. He had a rough go at life from the beginning.  We are both adopted, from different families. It is my understanding that Kevin's birth parents were married and had other children. It is also my understanding that they may have kept some of the children and gave up others for adoption. Whatever the case, Kevin ended up right where he belonged in our family!

Kevin was born into this world with some hardships from an infant on.  He was born with a heart murmur which turned out to not be a big deal.  Also, his foot was turned in and he had to wear a corrective shoe. Not super big deals in my book, but this caused him to not be adopted as quickly as other babies. Which honestly worked out to my family's advantage.

Kevin was a loving boy who really enjoyed spending time with his family. He had big brown, gentle eyes that were warm and friendly.  He loved to go fishing with my dad and on random adventures, and he was a momma's boy through and through.  We used to play games of make-believe all the time. We played school and house and games in the backyard. We had a typical growing up experience with two loving parents. We went on vacations and spend a lot of time together as a family.

Things became more difficult for Kevin when he entered school.  Kevin, as we found out, did not play the game of school well.  He was not going to be the compliant kid that did everything he was told. He was the type of kid that would question or do what he needed to do because concentrating on the task at hand was difficult.  Kindergarten was ok from what I remember.  First grade started out with few problems, I remember his teacher being very understanding and supportive of Kevin.  But then there was an incident where the teacher accused him of trying to steal something from her purse.  From what I remember of Kevin's story, he was handing in a paper on her desk and her purse was open and he saw cigarettes and was shocked that a teacher smoked!  Knowing what I know now, and how teachers talk this may have started Kevin's reputation in elementary school.

Second grade proved to be even more challenging.  Every teacher has a different teaching style, and Kevin's second-grade teacher expected compliance and nothing else.  This was not going to be a good match.  My mom worked at the school we went to, and the teacher pulled her aside to tell her that Kevin would never amount to much.  How can a teacher tell a parent that?! He was eight years old! Eight! Practically a baby and someone's pride and joy! From what I remember, Kevin and my parents went in survival mode to just get through that year and teacher.

Summers were Kevin's time where he could be himself. We had a lake house in Southwest Michigan where we went swimming, fishing, boating, tubing, etc. Kevin had a good group of friends that loved and supported him. He did not have to be compliant. He was allowed to be Kevin.  Summer was a time where his star shone bright and he was the happiest.

Third grade went by with no major events from what I remember, but along came fourth grade for Kevin and a teacher who expected compliant students.  Fourth grade was a struggle for Kevin because of the personality conflict. I remember my parents getting constant phone calls from the teacher expecting them to fix him.  I remember them yelling and pleading and constant worry.  Which leads into fifth grade with a similar teacher.  It wasn't long after fifth grade that my parents came to the conclusion that a private school was not going to be able to meet the needs of my brother.  So they decided to transfer him to the local public school.  Which sounds great, but they put him with a teacher who expected nothing but compliant students.  Things got so bad in fifth grade that this teacher put a refrigerator box around my brother so that he would not distract other students.  This devastated Kevin.  He was so embarrassed, but would never say anything to the teacher or other students as he wanted to save face.

From our understanding, although we aren't 100% sure, Kevin started dabbling with drugs in middle school.  We don't know where he got them, although we do know that some of his friends had older siblings that may or may not have provided him with marijuana.  I know for some people marijuana is not a gateway drug, but for Kevin it most definitely was. Middle school was rough as he battled many inner demons of mental illness and again trying to function in a school system that was not built for students like Kevin.

In high school, Kevin continued his downward spiral and eventually dropped out of school. He was able to complete his GED and enrolled at Purdue Calumet where he was accepted. He majored in social work, and really wanted to help people. College was not a cure for Kevin, he had some rough times, and had to drop classes periodically due to mental illness. However, his goal was to prove many of his teachers wrong.  He wanted to prove to them and others who did not believe in him, that he could earn a college degree and he could make a difference in this world.

Kevin can no longer make that dream come true himself. He left this earth on a cold January day. It was his time. His poor body could not handle much more.  For a long time, I had a lot of anger directed at Kevin. I felt that he chose drugs over his family.  But through a lot of research, sharing Kevin's story, and listening to people with similar stories I realize that Kevin did not choose drugs over his family or over his education. Addiction made that choice for him.  Addicts are not born with needles in their arms. Addiction is a terrible disease and with it mental illness that we as a society need to learn how to treat and prevent.

Although Kevin cannot make his dream a reality, I can. My goal is to work with Purdue Calumet to award him a posthumous degree. I tried once, and they said no because he was not 75% done with all coursework and 85% done with major coursework. I'm hoping that they can possibly make an exception. At the very least, I want Kevin's story to be shared so that his legacy lives on.  I want Kevin to be remembered for his kindness and compassion, his sweet smile, and love for his family and friends. 

Also, in January as a way to share Kevin's story and honor his life, I am creating postcards that share a mini version of Kevin's story and provide a link to this blog post. I am asking anyone who is willing to do a random act of kindness and leave the card for someone. If you are interested, please comment on this blog post and I will mail them. I would like to see this begin in January! 

Why I Write

I have been reading quite a few blogs on writing and writing instruction.  I read Margaret Simon's blog about discovering the writer's life, Pernille Ripp's blog about helping students find their writing identity, and multiple blogs from Two Writing Teachers.  This really got me thinking about why we want our students to write, how I do not write nearly enough, and why I need to write more.

In Pernille's blog, she writes about how she was asked to be recorded speaking about her writing process for Wisconsin Writes.  There's a great video where she talks about this process.  I watched the video and started reflecting that I don't really have a process.  I suppose I do in the fact that I get everything out of my head when I write a blog post and hit the publish button.  I've never been much of a drafter or one who does multiple revisions.  After reading these blogs it really made me reflect that I really need a more defined writing process to help me grow as a writer.  My trigger finger tends to be really quick when it comes to clicking the publish button.  So this was reflection number one.

Pernille blog really inspired me to keep writing (hence this post!). She talks about how every writer is a writer! And every writer needs time and choice.  All great points to remember when working with young writers.

Another reason why I write and blog is to work my feelings out, sometimes my writing may not always be clear. For example, I watched a very powerful 20/20 episode about the Heroin epidemic in America and more specifically in New Hampshire. I wrote a blog post about it. What stood out to me was the person reporting mentioned that imprisoning addicts does not solve the problem. They shared two heartbreaking stories of families. I shared my thoughts and it helped me heal a little more.  I never think I'll be fully healed, I believe the grief will always be there and I just continually learn to accept a new normal.  I will never get over the premature loss of my brother.

I write for myself, and if I can help someone along the way with Kevin's story or a book review, or a new teaching tip then I am achieving what I set out to achieve.

#SOL16 Heroin in America: A Personal Story

"Mary, you're brother is dead. He overdosed."

Those were words I had been waiting to hear but was hoping I would never hear. Kevin, my younger brother, passed away Friday, January 4th, 2013. It's a day I will always remember.

I'm watching Friday's 20/20 episode about Heroin in America and it is heartbreaking. I find it interesting that according to 20/20 129 people die every day from drug overdoses and more specifically prescription pills and heroin.

It is hard to watch but these stories need to be told.  I listened to a father relay the story of when he received the news that his son had overdosed again, but did not make it.  It was reliving that awful day.

My first reaction when my dad called to tell me was to not believe him. I wanted to know what hospital Kevin was at so I could go visit him.  Even when I saw him on the gurney at the funeral home, in the back of my mind I kept thinking he would just sit up.  It never seemed real.

I have shared bits and pieces of Kevin's story before, and I keep coming back to it because I truly feel that it can help save someone or multiple someones.  Kevin had a promising future despite many obstacles he faced and was able to overcome, yet he gave in and succumbed to a drug addiction. He was a semester away from graduating with a degree in sociology and had the capacity to help so many people.

My main reason for sharing this is because addiction in this country needs to be seen and treated as a mental illness.  And mental illness needs to be treated just as much as a heart condition or any other disease.  We should not feel embarrassed because someone in our family is an addict or has a mental illness.  I will not be embarrassed and will keep telling Kevin's story in hopes that it can save someone's life. I couldn't save my brother's life, but I'm hoping this story can make a difference and save someone else's life.

I love you Kevin and miss you every day!